Say it with me: "self-love is bae!” And it’s time to treat yo’self! Beyonce said it best! “If you like it, then you should put a ring on it!”. It’s time to take the (hypothetical but albeit important) next step in your relationship with yourself. It’s time to propose to you.
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, it’s time to practice some self-care with this new exercise of proposing to yourself. This process will help you identify some of your strengths and areas of opportunity and allow you to make a change with a tangible, and a fashionable reminder to wear daily.
Some may find this exercise to be a little narcissistic, but in fact, it’s an opportunity to give yourself the love you seek. You owe it to not only your partner (if applicable) but yourself to fall in love with who you truly are, because if you can’t see the good in you, how will others see it as well? It is our responsibility to be happy with ourselves first before we can love and engage with others.
If you struggle with loving yourself and you’re ready to take the next step, this exercise is for you. I believe this will help mobilize the changes you want to see in yourself by proposing to yourself to take the next step, saying yes to you, get engaged in new habits and by committing to be the new you.
Propose to yourself
A proposal is one of the most beautiful experiences to witness. In those moments, you get to hear all the reasons that brought a man/woman to the decision to propose. Their significant other is beautiful, smart, talented, caring, patient. They are their confidant, their shoulder to cry on, their coach and motivation to be a better person. It’s one of the most edifying moments of a relationship. In this portion of our self-care exercise, it’s your turn to propose to/edify yourself.
Now, this may seem a bit narcissistic to some of you, but really, it’s important to understand why we’re doing this. In a nutshell, this is the self-affirmation portion of the process. At this moment, it’s okay to indulge and be overly confident. Grab a pen and paper and write down all of the things that make you unique and beautiful. Your smile, the way you think, how compassionate you are, the way you dress, how resilient you are, etc.
I know for me, it was kind of hard to come up with a list of things I felt like I should be proud of because I’m a perfectionist. So I scanned through some old thank you notes from coworkers, a love note from bae, a nice text from my mom and used those as a springboard. Feel free to do the same! Ask your friends and family explicitly “what makes me, “me”?” Or you can fill them in on our exercise for context as well. Let’s get this proposal written up by any means necessary.
After you’ve completed your proposal, go in the mirror (dramatic, I know, but do it!) and read it out loud to yourself. It’s important to write down why your amazing self is worthy of this proposal, but it’s also equally as important for you to hear it. You can make this moment as special as you want to. Get dressed up. Do your hair and makeup. Trim your beard. Moisturize! Do a voice recording of the proposal on your phone (so you can play it daily as an affirmation).
Say “yes” to you!
If we’re following the sequence of events of a proposal, up next is the acceptance. Say ‘yes” to yourself!
Guess what ladies and gents? It’s time to go…SHOPPING!! What’s an engagement without a ring, am I right? Step two is our self-care exercise is to find a ring for you. This ring does not have to be expensive, a certain look, shape or color. In all honesty, it doesn’t even have to be a ring. The ring/item will serve as a tangible reminder that you are saying yes to you.It’s also to remind you that you’re embarking in a new chapter of your life and those old ways just won't do. So now that you are “engaged”, it’s time to engage in new habits.
Engage in new habits
I know the moment I get engaged engaged and I’m a whole fiancee, it’s a brand new Tay. I’m going to “my fiancé…” people to death and my ring hand will be epic. I am going to be PROUD of it, you hear me? It’s the same for exercise number three: engage in new habits. Now when I say new habits, I mean new positive habits.
No more self-doubt. We’re engaging in self-love. No more withdrawal. We’re engaging in positive interactions with old and new people. No more seeking happiness. Engage in joy within yourself. No more pouring from an empty cup. Let’s get engaged in some me-time. No more sleeping on new things. Engage in the spirit of trying something new. Whatever this looks like for you, engage in things that are positive for you and conducive to the person you are becoming.
If you want to be healthier, stop going to McDonald's all the time. If you want to be fit, go to the gym. If you want to be sexy, take one of those twerk and heels classes ladies! Fellas, get you a button-down and leave the first three buttons undone! Get into this new new!
Commit to yourself (vows)
Last but not least, write out your vows. They do not have to be super deep. Just like in a marriage, your vows will serve as a promise to yourself that no matter what, you will commit to this new you. Let this portion of the exercise serve as the “how-to” manual for engaging in new, positive behaviors.
If you need to be more confident, vow to not talk down to yourself anymore. Make a vow to accept your flaws. If you’re engaging in peace, make a vow to not let circumstances dictate your mood and response. I want you to write these down as well and here’s why:
Change is HARD but you have to hold yourself accountable to these vows. It’s easy to drum up new ideas but difficult to execute and keep up with them. Writing it down helps us retain what we spoke into existence. Another reason it’s important to write down your vows down is very similar to your proposal. I am a firm believer in speaking things into existence. It works out your memory muscle. If you don’t use it, you lose it. So exercise your vows by reciting them to yourself daily and put them into practice, until the real engagement comes along!